My Body Your Words

I have been sitting with this one for a while, but essentially I cannot hold it in any longer. Where we root our identity matters. The root of who we are indicates our ability to be secure in our relationships. Thereby, if we choose to root our identity in something like being a good baseball player, and then we encounter someone better than ourselves, we may become insecure. Furthermore, if we root our identity in our sexual attractiveness, and then these attributes pass with age, we may become insecure. And even more critically, if one chooses to root their identity in a politicized ideology, any critique of that ideology may be taken personally.

Enter the zeitgeist of identity politics!

This piece is coming directly from lived experience as a former leader and social justice advocate. I was all in and fully invested in these ideologies for nearly a decade. In fact, I permanently altered my body in testament to my deep faith that these views on the world were not only accurate; but also pioneering the way forward for the remainder of the world.

Then I experienced the power of initiatory practices and light began to pierce through the veil slowly and consistently.

Now let’s frame where I am coming from a bit, before I open up the perspective a bit. I believe in morphic freedom–full stop. This is the belief that all persons have full bodily autonomy and can augment their body in any way they choose. This term refers to bodybuilders, cosmetic surgery seekers, transgender persons, body-modders/grinders, biohackers, and even tattoo fans. As far as I am concerned, there ought be zero restrictions on paying for and obtaining a third arm or magical eagles wings on one’s body.

And additionally, I believe ideological diversity is critical to innovation and resilience as a society. Therefore, we require rich discourse across value sets and mythologies in order to make sense of what is, and build what might be here soon. So, I believe there are no words for the true Logos; there are only new angles to point from and frames to gaze through. In other words, we need diversity; true diversity.

Now that has been stated, let’s circle back to how compassion is leveraged in today’s media and social communities. We have all experienced a virtue signaling sign that states that a person ‘cares’ about a given group. This is typically a minority, and often one framed as experiencing a structural disadvantage. The issue I have with these proclamations is that the caring is actually contributing to, if not fully generating, said disadvantage.

Let me explain:

I was raised in Maryland on a farm. After college in NYC I decided to travel the world on one way plane tickets. Dozens of cultures, cuisines, accounts of history, and ethnicities filled these adventures. Then I returned to Baltimore City and found myself in a majority black social circle. I did not even consider this to be the case until I started noticing academic activist types attempting to hang with our circles and proclaiming rhetoric to substantiate their ‘cool-ness’ and earn our acceptance. It was clearly effortful. Notably, this community had several transgender and homosexual black folks and we would go to social events in that community. It was a high energy and exciting time. But I was often the only white person in the room. The academic activists who had attempted to ‘connect’ with the group were objectively scared of the nightlife where culture became louder and more raw.

Lesson: these academics had surrounded our group with discussions of oppression and race, where moments before these topics were not being generated at all. Yes, these dynamics exist in society and operate to some extent; but the anti-dote is not to dwell on them and play the victim. The remedy is the same as it is for any human: self agency, integrity, initiative! We were all hustling jobs, launching entrepreneurial efforts, and networking our way to a brighter future. There was little to be gained in articulating a sophisticated critique of the systems before us when we were actively seeking to improve our circumstances. This reality is easily lost on individuals who are avoiding said initiative in favor of blaming society for their lack thereof.

More deeply, this reveals the true harms in social over accommodation; namely, we deny people the challenges that are needed to unlock individual potential. It is the feedback from life that encourages the development of self. And all shielding from this feedback enables a deep weakness that only is exposed later in life, when the fundamentals are lacking in an individual. Too often, those delivering their critique of a social hierarchy are subconsciously affirming their advantaged status through their articulation of how accomodating they are to those less fortunate. So, thanks-no thanks for the social justice language informing me of your awareness of the struggles of others: what are you up to in life again? What could we build together?

Reality check: we exist in relationship, and relationships are participatory. The technology of language is how we navigate and sort towards shared social good. We use language to align values, sort for merit, discover peers, and sort for romance. Without properly functioning language, these sorting functions are crippled. Yes, it is important to respect others and call them by the names and titles they have earned. But the leveraging of institutional policy to interrupt the functioning of language to express one’s participation in society has serious downstream consequences.

Back in Baltimore, I experienced transgender friends being called king, queen, and crazy all in the same sentence. Yet their security in self was so strong that these gestures only calibrated their expression, as they used the real time feedback of their peers to dial in the energy they were projecting into the group. Notably, there was no policing of the language one ought to use for another. I believe this is a key reason these communities are so resilient today. Often young transgender women would compete for ‘realness.’ This wasn’t to see who could give the best performance. This was quite literally to train competitively to walk around in the daylight as whatever they wanted to be, and be safe doing so. It was an acknowledgement of the reality of the social contract and an endeavor to consciously break it–while fully accepting the risks. Risks which often came due when we buried the victims of transgender murders, where these young women had been perceived as cisgender up until intercourse. Only the academics called for broad discussions on all communities checking for transgender status in their language. The scene in Baltimore had different values on stealth, disclosure, and courage. Because they were not in it to push a political agenda on the society. They, from my perspective, seemed interested in having deep relationships, stable jobs, and strong communities. None of which needed disrupting by awkwardly asking for preferred language.

So then, the original point of where we root our identity resurfaces. We, and more specifically, I have never rooted my identity in my demographics. I do not even recommend attaching my identity to a given political party or business. Where I stand is as an active learner. I learn from my actions, win or lose, and can be counted on to continue to get back up after failure and continue rising in success.

So when people ask me about my time in the transgender community I state that I learned how to build a non-profit, launch a cafe, and launch two technology startups. Notably, I do not direct energy into the turmoil of identity politics and the never ending victim Olympics and evolving terminology. I choose not to surround my friends with labels claiming to care, while generating harm.

I hope that those out there who want to explore their morphic autonomy, without associating with radical ideology can know that truly, no one is concerned with what you do to your body. We just want you to love yourself as you do so, find love and connection amongst your peers, and fill your life with meaning–whatever that means to you.

And with that love for self, build something awesome! Fall so deeply in love with yourself that you cannot stop value from forming up around you and enrolling others in powerful possibilities. All we need in our lives are people fully alive and on fire. This is an inside game.

So if you are here to spout an ideology, I don’t have the time. But if you are here to collaborate on a strategy to build the life you want, and influence our systems towards better functioning; let’s connect, dream, and do together.

If you got something from this rant, shoot me a DM.

If you or your loved ones are seeking help navigating these waters of identity and are detecting the influence of political ideologies, send me a DM!

I would be happy to help dispel the illusion and make sense of the noise.