There were stages in my physical transformation where I had to demote my conscious mind.
(image credit: Uros Sljivic midjourney)
I remember distinctly after my genital surgery, alone in Thailand after my family and friends had left. I would sit awake in bed and spiral down to suicidal ideation. Then I would pull the emergency brake. And launch into structured breathing. I would describe the room, its colors and materials. Then I would name the pieces of furniture. Then I would name the people in my life I am most grateful for. Then I would name the people in this life whom I am here to serve. And then I would imagine myself delivering truth to these people. I would feel the flow of life coursing through me, in language, to those thirsty for nourishment.
I understood the nature of my initiation and that I cannot understand it. I understood that my conscious mind experienced and integrated just enough to be able to achieve the feats of initiation needed to access the experiential gnosis needed to become the person I am here to be.
I am now 33 years old. This is a key year in the life of a person. Many see their careers and personal lives take off at this age. There are physiological developmental considerations at this stage of the body’s growth that truly lock in the experiences of surviving puberty, integrating patterns of understanding and wisdom, and being in action for three decades.
From this vantage point, I can look back on the transformation from student to traveler, from traveler to teacher, from teacher to business owner, from business owner to director, from director to founder to investor; and most importantly, from social participation as a man to that of a woman, and back again. I can also draw from the experiences of neurological change during cross sex hormonal treatment, ceremonial usage of psycho-active plants, and positive psychology and behavior change. I have transformed significantly during this lifetime. And each journey refines the process more deeply.
What am I here to do? At this stage, I clearly have maps of transformational processes and am professionally offering these to others. The tools and techniques needed to navigate in the unknown. With my experience in corporate startup management and construction, I integrate my spiritual and physical transformation journeys over the transformation of a founder through non-linear growth stages of their project.
I believe that we have exactly the company we are ready for. And the core bottleneck on the growth of a company is the founder’s psychology. Therefore, investments must be made in the acceleration of the executive’s personal development to keep pace with the transformation of the leadership role they occupy.
When I look back on how my journey through gender served me as an entrepreneur, the lessons continue to accumulate.
I learned to navigate the unknown. Using my body and somatic intelligence to source additional, and often crucially compelling, information to add to my decision matrices.
I learned to self regulate my physiology. As narrated above, I often had to calm moments of overwhelm and intense fear. These challenges trained in me a type of toolkit for courage that has served me deeply during my entrepreneurial journey. I have continued to add technologies to this kit over the years. And now I am very well equipped to share these resources with others.
I learned that I am not who I think I am. In fact, I am the space for what is needed to arrive. In professional roles, this is referred to as speaking into the listening of another. This is where I match the paradigm and mindset of the audience and speak with language that meets the listener and enrolls them in the clarity of what is to be done. This is a key ability in team leadership. To remove the self from the task at hand, and truly be in service of the project. For enrollment to be present, we must be clear of our uncertainties and distractions. Through this clear presence, we can directly engage others and create the momentum that inspires them into action towards the defined objective.
I learned that I do not know what I do not know. This story is such a roller coaster. And this is exactly what I signed up for! Each day I could call it quits and escape into the false identity of failure, or I can assume the identity of action and be in discovery of what comes next. There are things I know in this world; concepts, terminology, narratives. And there are things I know that I do not know; techniques, skills, languages. Yet still, there are things where I am not aware of my not knowing. These have an infinite scope. And there awareness of this potential is deeply humbling. The application is that I do not know fully the narrative of my journey and all the forces at play. Therefore, I have logic for optimism if I so choose.
These are a few of the lessons I have learned in this journey. There are many more. I have attempted to select content that will assist anyone in their journey into the unknown of transformation. This may be an entrepreneurial journey, a healing journey, or a spiritual journey. Regardless, I am honored to support you along the way.
Remember to never go it alone!
The ability to ask for help is the core of connection. We open the opportunity for another to be of service and to integrate the lessons of their own journey. And we deeply de-risk our own journey simultaneously.
I have helped several founders and executives navigate career and life changes. Imagine the other side of your current challenge. What is possible in that successful and clear state of achievement? And what is it truly costing you to not have this now?
Somewhere in that space is the discernment of whether to hire an executive coach. When the cost of not accessing is great, the investment pays immediate returns as well as long term returns on life and career.
I work with clients each week one on one.
Currently opening for 5 more clients.
I also host group coaching containers of 5 people, meeting once per week.
I will be populating two more such containers this month to launch April 1.
DM “accelerate!” if you are ready to explore becoming one of these clients.
There are stages in transformation where we cannot know how best to move. At these times we rely on tools and technologies to bring clarity to the noise.
Are you ready to acquire more tools?
Are you ready to transform?
(image credit: Mister Grin, midjourney)